


cigarette

by laetee



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Cigarettes, Drug Addiction, M/M, Slow Burn, Smoking, bambam is annoying, jackbeom are roommates, jaebeom is a baby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2019-10-30 16:53:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17832464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laetee/pseuds/laetee
Summary: love is like a cigaretteburning at the tip of it, but quick to burn outlike a cigarette,it may get you sickbut you'll never get sick of itso light one up nowoffonoff-cigaretteaka jaebeom is a smoker who finds love outside of his cigarettes





	1. prologue

_she's got the dance floor hella lit._

_then she steps out for a cigarette and,_

_i've been prayin' all night_

_like god-_

_she gives life to my world with a "can I get a light?"_

_ignite a match_

_she leans in to catch it_

_we're, the only spark in the dark like a chandelier_

_with no ceiling but the sky_

_as the smoke from her lips bleeds into the atmosphere_

_no ashes here,_

_no dust_

_this moment is forever_

_even though each puff will take us further from together_

_she'll have,_

_me until the very last drag_

_come to think of it,_

_love is like a_ _cigarette_

_burning at the tip of it,_

_but quick to burn out_

_like a cigarette,_

_it may get you sick_

_but you'll never get sick of it so light one up now_


	2. cough of heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cough of heaven  
> i feel like i'm in a daydream  
> and i go up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello
> 
> i didnt expect to write out this small introduction so fast but woops

****he stepped out for a cigarette. he left his friends who had suggested drinks instead. his inner demons ripped and tore at his insides, craving the deliciously bitter smoke. who was he to say no? he politely told his friends that he needed to step out for a bit. he won’t lie and say he didn’t feel guilty for doing that to them but he can’t fight it. he is weak and powerless when it comes to refusing those demons because deep down he knows he wants it too.

it was dark outside, the only light being the hazy purple glow of the restaurant’s store front. he could see his breath, a simulation of the deadly gas he fervently desired. his stomach twisted and turned making the anticipation greater.

his hand slipped into his pocket and his fingers curled around the familiar shape of his lighter. his other hand pulled a single cigarette from his hoodie pocket. he didn’t carry whole packs anymore as part of the initiative to stop smoking heeded by his friends.

he holds up the cigarette to his lips. a couple clicks with his thumb, he sparks the lighter. the tip of the rolled poison burns with a faint crackle.

he takes a deep inhale, slowly tasting the toxic flavor. it used to be coarse and disgusting and he thought he could never get used to it but lo and behold. his eyes flutter shut as he appreciates what he has so desperately yearned. he feels as if his system was going into overdrive. this stupid little stick is unfortunately his lifeline.

he pulls the cigarette away from his lips and with a sigh of relief, the smoke bleeds out of his lips into the dark night.

he takes a deep breath and looks out into the street. it was late on a friday night. the roads were always empty around here but he could see into the bustling city, lights flickering and hundreds probably still roaming around. there were probably so many people doing the same thing he is.

he takes another drag. the burnt tip somehow warms him up even though it -6°C outside. his fingertips thaw and his heartbeat stabilizes. even through the chilling cold air, the soft glow of the city and the curling of the paper and ashes falling down in sparkling flakes manage to warm his heart. he blows the smoke out through pursed lips and the gas billows up into the dark sky. he smiles to himself as he is reminded of some fitting song lyrics:

* * *

_puff of heaven, i feel like i'm in a daydream_  

for the first time in a while, jaebeom felt happy.

. . .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i tried smoking one time. its pretty nasty but i had a friend when i was younger who always smelled like cigarette smoke so its a bit nostalgic.
> 
> anyways ive never really been addicted to anything so its hard to accurately describe how it feels to get what you have been craving. i hope you guys can get what im trying to get across
> 
> when i have more time ill write some more and get an actual story going. lets hope i can actually develop a story!! god forbid i finish it!


	3. i’ll be there for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise! i actually remembered this fic exists! im gonna update more soon (no promises tho) 
> 
> im pretty excited for this tho
> 
> enjoy

“that can’t be it!”

jaebeom grunts in frustration, bent over his laptop typing out what he said was only going to be a “brainstorming session” for the multitude of writing ideas and prompts swimming through his head. this predicament happens so often, though, it should be no surprise to jaebeom. he gets some brilliant ideas that he ponders over in some remote place far from his laptop and then once he gets to his laptop he tries to “plan” these ideas out but he then quickly realizes he doesn’t know how to plan. his perfectionism forces him to pump out finished unfinished products, therefore there is no first draft or “plan”, just a “that’s the thing i’m doing, so far.” like painting a picture but instead of laying a guide sketch, he starts by painting what he wants the final piece to look like bit by bit. it sounds like a flawless practice and sometimes it works out to his favor but most of the time, because he has no base or original plan, he pumps out his initial ideas and then he’s completely lost with how to continue. it’s either perfectionist habits or he’s impatient, jaebeom can’t say for sure. either way, he’s still stumped.

he’s even beginning to regret writing in the first place. there’s really no use in it. he was trying to get a “headstart” on a writing assignment his professor hinted at. she also hinted at an outstanding topic of passions and devotion and that this will be a partner project with more details to come. he groans again. the only planning he can do is planning ahead for his classes, especially writing to which he gingerly tends to. jaebeom thinks he can lessen the burden on his partner by drafting some ideas beforehand (while also nonchalantly trying to make sure the finished product is to his high standards of writing). no matter what he does, though, it might all be in vain if his partner is daring enough to scrap his thought processes in lieu of different and perhaps more profound ideas. nonetheless, jaebeom is too stubborn to stop now, even if he has nothing to write.

he’s at the place where he’s poured his heart out on the digital page but he’s  
run out of ideas. he can either further develop what he already has written or he could somehow muster the wisdom and knowledge of the gods to come up with something that’ll fill the document. his stressed demeanor prompts a mindless cycle of irregular taps on the space bar and a set of consequent backspaces. sometimes when he tries to write a sentence he can’t finish, his fingertips eloquently conjure up a mixture of the spaces and a sample of every character available, often times a variation of “ghekrjgirjeybuf ::::,,,,,,,,,’kkkk,,,,,” or other keyboard smashes of the sort.

the clacks and taps and sighs and groans and murmurs coming from jaebeom’s side of the room seem to be annoying a certain roommate, whose sighs grow increasingly loud.

“could you _please_ cut that out, hyung?”

jaebeom’s roommate jackson pipes up, interrupting jaebeom’s peaceful cacophony of keyboard taps and his internal monologue surrounding his lack of creativity. unbeknownst to jaebeom, jackson has been fuming and grumbling on his side of the room where he’s sprawled on his single bed. he was debating saying anything in fear of being met by jaebeom’s wrath but the tapping in the otherwise silent room could drive anyone insane.

jaebeom whips his head to his left to face jackson fully prepared to start a war.

“stop what?” he replies cluelessly, with a just as dumb look on his face, lips parted, chin jut out and his eyebrows raised slightly.

jackson sits up from his “sleeping” position and sighs as if talking this much has tired him out. “your dumbass clicking and tapping and weird moans.” jackson curls his shoulders up and imitates a sort of old grandma typing gesture. he also twists his face to complete the “i’m annoyingly bad at using technology” look.

jaebeom scoffs when his performance is finished and waves a finger up and down jackson’s torso.

“first of all, that was completely unnecessary. second of all, i do not moan.”

“you do, in fact.” jackson crosses his arms in a petty fashion.

“i do not. and that’s hyung to you.” jaebeom’s roommate pinches his eyes and sticks out his tongue.

“ _hyung,_ ” jackson coos mockingly, making himself sound like a loving brother until he continues with a completely blank expression, “you moan when you write. it’s distracting.”

preparing to argue back, at second thought jaebeom can’t really say for sure if he moans or not. he’s been made aware on several occasions that he makes some kinds of grunts when he’s frustrated or focused on something, but moaning can’t possibly be the right word to describe his tendencies. to his defense, they only come out when he’s particularly stressed and when he’s way too devoted to what he’s doing to even feel any sort of vibrations escaping his throat. you can’t blame him for being dedicated to his work, can you?

“yes i can.”

jaebeom pouts to himself when he realizes he was thinking out loud.

“i’m trying to _sleep_ , hyung.” jackson contorts himself back into his napping position, his head resting on an arm, the other arm pulled up to his chin with a balled fist and his legs sprawled out covering as much area as possible.

“you look like a sad starfish.” jaebeom retorts with a laugh, not surprised when a pillow meets his face.

“yah!” jackson yells. “all i’m saying is go to youngjae’s room if you wanna moan.”

that was the last straw for jaebeom. before jackson could even block himself, jaebeom throws himself on jackson, twisting, squirming, and trying to tickle jackson as a sort of payback. though jackson has a fondness for skinship, jaebeom knows how terribly ticklish he is around his neck and ears. a laughing fit complete with his signature shrieks any passerby could mistake as someone being stabbed to death follows jaebeom’s assault on jackson. jaebeom’s arm slithers over jackson’s craned neck to put the younger in a headlock.

“i do not moan!” jaebeom says a final time, eyes shaped in crescents and a smile on his face.

“i’ll record you next time and prove it!” jaebeom’s arm prisoner replies while still laughing, the tremors from his laughter shaking the both of them.

“you can’t record _shit_ cause i. don’t. moan.” jaebeom sticks his tongue out and breaks out laughing as well.

jackson breaks out from the headlock and pushes jaebeom. “i’ll prove it!” jackson jabs his index finger in the center of jaebeom’s chest.

jaebeom rubs a few circles on the spot jackson poked, feeling like a bruise might form later on. he pouts to himself.

the both of them stay silent for a moment, jaebeom too lazy to continue arguing and his roommate satisfied with what he already said.

“why are you writing anyways?” jackson breaks the silence.

“i have a partner project.” jaebeom says looking down at his finger nails, thinking if he should pick at them or not.

jackson shifts from his slouched position and crosses his legs to look closer at jaebeom for what reason the older may never know. he just does that sometimes. jaebeom feels jackson’s eyes and suddenly feels a bit embarrassed to explain himself. he now understands that his writing today was pretty stupid and unnecessary. but he’s too stubborn to admit it.

“who’s your partner?”

jaebeom decides to pick at his nails. “i don’t know yet.” jaebeom looks up and smirks, fully knowing jackson is going to snap.

you could literally see the rage filling jackson’s eyes. it’s like his eyes are some kind of container with some anger juice being poured into them. his eyes darken a bit and their shape shrinks to form a squint.

jackson takes a deep breath and his eyes shut for a moment like this information is completely earth shattering.

“you’re doing a partner project before it’s even been assigned?”

jaebeom nods solemnly. this isn’t the first time he’s done this, though. he takes his writing grades pretty seriously and can do well only if the direction of the writing is under his grasp. this is, however, the first time jackson has had an outburst over it.

jackson sighs like he’s preparing to muster his strength to beat the shit out of jaebeom. but he doesn’t, to jaebeom’s surprise. he doesn’t move or even bat an eyelash. all he does is place his hands on his thighs and slowly closes his eyes like he’s about to start meditating.

he sharply inhales through his mouth. jaebeom stares in disbelief.

“what the fuck are you doing?” jaebeom says after a couple seconds of looking at jackson’s second outstanding performance of the day. how lucky for him.

his roommate, who is apparently trying to become a monk, shushes him in response without opening his eyes.

after another couple seconds, jaebeom loses his patience. he _would_ take this chance to get back to writing as the scholarly, valedictorian student he is... buuuut it’s too fun to mess with jackson.

“meditate in the bathroom, buddha.” he snickers.

jackson then suddenly opens both eyes and stares at the wall directly behind jaebeom. he takes another deep inhale and then with a shriek, he tackles jaebeom and pushes him down, the elder’s back flush to the bed. he tickles him, making him squirm and giggle and yell “yah!” several times in a row while trying to kick the younger off.

they battle like this for maybe twenty seconds before they’re shaken out of it by a loud banging on their door.

when the banging briefly stops, the two of them sit in silence, completely frozen in their weirdly provocative and suggestive position, jackson on top and sitting in between jaebeom’s thighs while the older is laying down. why they don't move in these moments, no one knows.

another set of thumps are performed when a squeaky voice yells “hyung!”

jackson looks to jaebeom unsure which hyung is being addressed and whispers, “bambam.”

for another couple moments, the two of them sit in silence, the only audible sound is their quick breaths from their laughing and fighting just half a minute ago. they seem to be waiting for him to leave so they could more comfortably excuse their casual wrestling match.

to their disappointment, more banging follows their hopeful waiting game. “what are you two doing in there?” they hear the doorknob squeak like bambam is trying to break in. thank god it’s locked because their current position is pretty hard to explain. jaebeom closes his eyes for a moment and sighs, feeling jackson doing the same thing.

it seemed like they were clear for a while, and jaebeom looks like he's taking a quick nap, despite jackson sitting on top of him.  so, the two of them were too slow hear their younger friend walk in.

“what the fuck are you guys doing?” bambam says, his voice way closer and more audible than before. turns out the door wasn’t locked and jaebeom’s brain conveniently blocked out the sound of the door opening.

jackson’s cheeks flush and jaebeom’s eyes grow wide, his cheeks redden to a similar tint of pink. they don’t think even god knows what they were doing.

the both of them quickly unravel from each other and sit at opposite sides of the bed.

“w-we were just fighting.” jackson stammers. bambam crosses his arms and shifts his weight to one leg, nose scrunched and looking down at the two of them very disbelievingly.

jaebeom picks at his nails again, looking down and pouting like a baby. “jackson got mad at my keyboard sounds and he just went crazy—“

jackson frowns and looks offended. he opens his mouth to protest before bambam cuts the both of them off.

“i don't need the whole story. it’s cool if you guys are gay just lock the door next time.” bambam smirks.

“yah!” both roommates straighten their backs and yell in unison. it’s like they rehearsed this before.

“anyways,” bambam continues despite the older two looking at him like they’re going to pummel him at any second. “i was wondering if you guys wanted to go out to a bar or some shit tomorrow night.”

the two of them look at each other, for some weird reason. they don’t even look like they’re about to say anything to each other, it’s just one of their roommate moments that bambam can’t decipher even while glaring at his two strange hyungs.

jaebeom considers bambam’s offer and thinks of his plans for tonight, tomorrow, and the day after. it’s thursday night, which surprises jaebeom since the rest of their group usually never prepares anything in advance. their outings are usually impulse decisions that the eldest two have no control over. mostly jaebeom though since jackson is usually in with the maknaes’ plans.

tonight his only plans were to write and maybe study for his english exam if he felt like it (star student, he knows). tomorrow is friday and jaebeom was hoping to stay in and get started on his writing assignment he knows is going to be formally given out tomorrow morning. maybe jackson will go out and jaebeom will enjoy a peaceful and tranquil evening of silence without jackson’s lonely nagging and attention-seeking schemes while he tries to focus on his favorite thing to do (though his frustration earlier seemed to lower _writing_ on jaebeom’s list of favorite things to do). jaebeom smiles to himself thinking of how nice peace and quiet sounds. him alone, with his beloved laptop, maybe listening to some chill music, maybe he’d get some kimchi ramen and enjoy his hobby properly for once.

“hyung.”

jaebeom’s snapped out of his daydreaming by this annoying stick from thailand he calls his friend.

“you going or not?” bambam sits on the edge of jackson's bed. it aches under the weight of the three men. jaebeom looks to jackson who shows off a goofy grin. he’s going.

jaebeom weighs his options: if he goes, maybe he could have some fun. he could use a drink every once in a while, maybe have a couple smokes. he could finally stop his friends from nagging him every time they want to go out since he has a “i went last time” card to vouch for his absence. he wouldn’t mind loosening up a bit, he’s been pretty anxious and stressed for his third year of university, though the sophomore maknaes have yet to consider dealing with it yet. on the other hand, jaebeom could cuddle in his nice little bed with his beloved laptop and do some serene and calming writing. he could have the dorm all to himself and have a blast doing what the others call “grandpa things” on his own.

“don’t be a loser again, hyung.” the youngest whines. “don’t be some bum and come have some fun.” bambam smirks at his clever yet unintentional rhyme.

jaebeom looks to jackson a last time, who sends him two encouraging thumbs up and his cute squirtle smile.

“alright. fine.” the younger two high five and let out a unanimous “yes!” jaebeom sighs.

“but promise not to get shitfaced drunk. i won’t wait for you guys this time”

bambam raises an eyebrow. “i should be saying that to you. you were so drunk last time you couldn’t even walk to the uber!”

“yah!” jaebeom hisses and glares at the three-dimensional stickman getting on his nerves, holding up a fist like he’ll smack bambam with it. he shakes his head to stop the flashbacks from their last night out. oh god.

jackson laughs his signature shriek laugh. “you wanted to leave with some poor guy who had a girlfriend!”

“oh my god. will you two _please_ shut up before i change my mind?”

the two zip it at that. they really want to see jaebeom get drunk again and they won’t jeopardize the blackmail material at stake.

“alright. then it’s settled.” bambam stands up and stretches, pulling his long limbs in every direction. “i’ll go tell youngjae.” he pauses and looks to jaebeom. “by the way, his friends might come along too so it’s gonna be lit.” bambam ends by saying lit in english, earning himself an eye roll from jackson.

after the door shuts behind bambam, jaebeom’s stomach twists. although he left his shy and introverted personality back in high school, jaebeom still feels a twinge of fear when new people are mentioned. his brain threatens to rethink on his decision and pussy out of a fun night but jaebeom stops himself. _it’s just some fun_ he tells himself _don’t be a pussy and meet new people for fuck’s sake._

he convinces himself and truly believes he’ll have fun and avoid embarrassing himself as much as possible. jaebeom sighs for the umpteenth time today.

maybe one night out won’t be so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun little intro chapter :D
> 
> theyre all in college but all 7 dont know each other yet (jb’s friend group is jackson, bambam, youngjae, and yugyeom 👀)
> 
> its kinda short but i swear i got more planned! the part about jb’s planning is exactly my type of planning (none lol) but this time i did plan so this fic has a direction!! i think!!
> 
> anyways hope you guys stick around. im excited for this fic. sorry i let it rot for 5 months lol


End file.
